A Telford man is to merge all his separate networks of pals into a single integrated interface, to improve conversational efficiency and cross-group sharing of information, it has been announced today.
Tim McBride, 51, plans to ask all his different mates if they can make it every Thursday at 9pm in the Three Legs, for a beer, the pub quiz and the meat raffle.
McBride currently tends to meet his old school friend, Pete, for a badminton match every Tuesday, and has his regular curry club on the second Thursday of the month. Oh, and not forgetting the walk back from the betting shop with Mick every Saturday afternoon in the footie season.
‘Until now, it’s been hard for these groups to talk to each other, although there have been rumours that some data is routinely shared across my networks’, said Tim today. ‘How else would Mick have known that my nickname at school was Tiny Tim, after an unfortunate shower incident in PE in year 8, unless Pete had told him – probably when they saw each other at my 50th birthday.’
By bringing the groups together, McBride expects to see some long-term benefits, although the single conversational platform is expected to be a little ‘clunky’ at first. This is particularly the case with Mick, who is known to be a casual racist after a few drinks.
The landlord of the Three Legs, Jim, has promised to facilitate communication between the group. ‘We’ve got a really good picture round and some sandwiches and sausage rolls for everyone. End to end encryption will also be guaranteed by turning the jukebox back on just as everyone wants to confer over a couple of tough questions at the end.’
‘And there’ll be no using bloody WhatsApp or Messenger to ask your mates for the answers,’ added Jim.