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Rees-Mogg solves food shortages by telling people to “eat out more”
Jacob Rees-Mogg has rebutted the ridiculous whining of major supermarkets about running out of food in typical down to earth fashion. [read...]
Daily Archives: January 29, 2019
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May clarifies: government considering using ‘marital law’ ‘to lock Boris up’
The Prime Minister was quick today to deny suggestions that the government was considering imposing martial law in the event of a no-deal Brexit. She explained that the confusion had arisen from a hastily-written email asking about changes to ‘marital law’, [read...]
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Oscar nomination for man pretending to wash hands after taking a leak
Peter Jones, 46, is thought to have spent years perfecting his technique in his local shopping centre public conveniences, going through the pretence of putting his hands near a non-running tap, and then placing them under the hand-drier, [read...]
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Remainers and Brexiters fight to standstill in Battle of College Green
Armies of Brexiters and Remainers fought each other to a standstill yesterday in the Battle of College Green, outside Parliament, which historians have now pronounced to be the first full-scale pitched battle on British soil since Culloden in 1746. [read...]