Shoes, trousers-bottoms crisis: gulf widens


The distance between young people’s shoes and trouser bottoms has widened further, despite the cold weather, prompting an outcry by socks. ‘Young people’s fashion dictats mean an ever increasing expanse of leg between shoe and trouser and this poses an insurmountable problem for us,’ said socks. ‘We can be colourful, we can be stylish and we can be warm but we cannot be expected to cover the ever increasing naked ankle distance demanded by today’s youth stylings.’

Later, shoes kicked back at the criticism that they might be to blame for the gulf. ‘We have always maintained a steady position vis a vis our relationship with trousers, whose bottoms are subject to fluctuation that has caused so much anxiety to socks. If trousers deny it is they who have moved the goalposts, they are mistaken.’ But trousers hit back with a criticism of shoes, saying the difference between trainers and boots means footwear too can be blamed for the no man’s leg increasingly on show up and down the country. ‘If shoes can’t see this, they are skirting the issue,’ said trousers.

Shoes, meanwhile point to a history of unpredictable change in trouser ends, with late 60’s flares masking shoes completely at one point. ‘Gor blimey trousers!’ said one pair of shoes. ‘You go up and down like a bride’s nighty! We’ve seen the rules change again and again, from literary Oxford Bags (which feature a turn up for the books) to what’s now being referred to as Norway Plus Fours’

In a separate development, a survey in The Grandparent magazine has shown that quality in jeans has dropped dramatically. 7 out of ten pairs of jeans observed on the high street are ripped in multiple places. ‘The preponderance of ripped jeans visible on our streets can only be missed by the most ardent denim denier. The sad thing is our young people cannot afford to buy new ones,’ said one grandparent, struggling to find a half a crown to hand over.

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Posted: Jan 31st, 2019 by

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