‘Ferret-legging has made me the man I am today’ claims Rees-Mogg

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has revealed in an exclusive interview with The Catholic Herald, that ferret-legging has helped to make him the fully-rounded individual that he is today.

The practice, which involves dropping a ferret down sealed-up trousers, sans underwear, began in the Middle Ages when poaching was a capital offence. Hiding a ferret in your pantaloons and grinning and bearing the pain from needle-sharp teeth and claws in the presence of a bailiff ensured that you would be spared the noose or deportation.

‘Ever since my great-great-grandfather gave up falcons and started taming pole-cats, the Moggs have kept up the tradition,’ he explained whilst loosening the trouser area around his groin with a slightly pained expression, ‘and in politics you need the same kind of willpower and courage when confronted with terrible liberal views. Since self-flagellation is hard to disguise in the Chamber, dropping my favourite pet, ‘Dixie’ down my drainpipes gives me the mental determination to stand up for what I believe in.’

Asked if he would recommend the activity to his Conservative colleagues, Mr Rees-Mogg revealed that he had once suggested to the Prime Minister that she drop one down her blouse the next time she met with Jean-Claude Juncker.

‘I honestly believe that she would have been a lot firmer and struck a better deal for Britain if she had taken my advice.’

Speaker, John Bercow, said that there were no rules against bringing ferrets into the House although he was seriously considering a ban on the weasels that are running amok on both sides of the chamber.

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Posted: Feb 1st, 2019 by

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