Do you speak Brexit?

Brexit

NewsBiscuit has been trawling through the print and broadcast media and has gathered together some handy expressions and phrases that will help you to speak fluent Brexit.

Patriot – Us, and not You.

Traitor – Anyone upholding the rule of law, independence of the judiciary, or any aspect of the constitution, in a way we don’t like; at any rate it’s You, and not Us.

 

 

Man of the peeeeple – A land-owning ex banker who rubs shoulders with billionaires and flies to work in private jets, but he won’t pull me up on my casual racism.

58 impact assessments – 1 assessment, plagiarised from Wikipedia.

Meaningful vote – Ha ha ha!

Remoaner – Anyone with any difficult questions.

Project Fear – Concerns that we’re unable to assuage, but won’t entertain.

Take back control – Creating the illusion of control.

You lost, get over it – You lost, get over it, or there’s a very good chance of a second referendum you might win.

People’s Vote – Something we’ll lose if we allow people to think it’s a vote by the people, rather than MP’s, on the final deal and not just a re-run of the Referendum…”I think you mean 2nd People’s Referendum, Sonny, or are you saying we’re not ‘people'”.

What I’m hearing from people – I’m about to say something I’ve completely made up.

‘No Decision Even Worse Than No Deal’ – But we’re not going to let you, the people, make the decision on how we leave the EU, in case you make the wrong one.

Doing down Britain – Refusing to make unrealistic claims about our capabilities.

Shitegeist – Capturing the spirit and mood of the Brexit era.

Intergalactic clusterfuck – Brexit.

‘We’re taking back sovereignty’ – I’m saying something jingoistic but quite meaningless as I know it will play well with Daily Mail readers, Sky News viewers and other sundry knuckle-dragging morons.

‘No deal is a good deal for Britain’ – I am a disillusioned idiot and card-carrying little Englander.

‘We shall fight them on the beaches…’ – Oops, sorry. Wrong meeting…

‘Europe is desperate to trade with us’ – We are desperate to maintain our trading links with Europe. Oh Christ, what a total and monumental balls-up this has now become.

‘We want are country back’ – I have shit for brains.

Advisory – Legally binding

Taking back control – Remember the good old days

No-deal Brexit – Carry on as before, probably?

WTO rules – Wrestling jargon

European Research Group – The democratic champions of political integrity – ‘does exactly what it says on the tin’.

‘I never said it would be easy’ – Don’t look at my past speeches

£350M a week for the NHS – We are going to privatize the NHS

We’ll become a global economy – We’ll drop our trousers and bend over for the USA

The whole Nation will benefit – I’ll do very well, thank you.

Let’s show pride in Britain – I’m offshoring my money

We’ll become a high-tech economy = I’m moving my company to Singapore

I’m proud of my Blue British Passport – My children are getting German passports

My pubs reflect the best of British – I’m a drunken, pasty faced, fascist, Little Engerlander.

Have our cake and eat it – I have more cake than I could possibly eat, and I couldn’t care less if others lose what little cake they may have.

Everyone is more European-minded nowadays – I have no idea who my MEP is

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – I know someone who agrees with me.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ = Someone said something I can understand.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – it’s nothing to do with me.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – a party whip told me to say this.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – my proposed strategy will satisfy at least one of the two people I once overheard arguing in a supermarket checkout queue.

‘What I’m hearing from people’ – my 13-year-old is studying for a GCSE in Government and Politics.

“A lot of people are saying…” = “I’m saying this a lot…”

‘We won’t have to obey EU laws’ = ‘I can’t name a single EU law I want to get rid of.’

Irish border – Mick and Paddy’s problem

Northern Irish Backstop- Secondary measure to prevent Mexican criminals from entering the UK from the EU.

Britons have had enough of experts – People who are this easily convinced by soundbites won’t notice when we treat them with absolute contempt.

Make Britain Great Again: Cant say when that actually was. Answers on a postcard please.

“Britons have had enough of experts” – That’s my expert opinion

‘Britain has had a long history of embracing immigration’ – I hate all foreigners.

‘I will go back to Brussels to renegotiate a good deal for the UK’ – Whaaaaaa! I want my Mum…

‘My door is always open…’ – I have completely run out of ideas.

No deal is better than a bad deal – We’ll never in a million years admit we’ve negotiated a bad deal.

“Brexit means Brexit” – no, I don’t know either, but it sounds like I do

“Taking back Control” – I want to watch Countdown

“No deal for Britain is better than a bad deal for Britain” – “A bad deal for Britain is better than no deal for Britain”

“Brexit means Brexit does mean Brexit” – nope, still don’t know.

Democracy – voting once in a referendum, then banning all referenda.

Easiest deal in history – I’ve never negotiated an FTA before, how hard can it be?

Confidence & Supply Agreement – we’re paying the DUP £2b so they can hold us to ransom.

Getting on with Brexit – Kicking that can o’ worms as far down the road as I possibly can.

Additional contributions from:

Smart Alex  – Sinnick – Chipchase – Crayon – APepper – beau-jolly –  Al OPecia – Titus – Dick Everyman – Newsdesk – tonymc-81 

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2019 by

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