With negotiations at stalemate with Brussels, Theresa May has brought in a team of advisors from a Surrey infants school. For the last week, children have been showing senior ministers how to get their own way despite being told no, no, no, by Mummy, Daddy or the EU.
The Home Secretary told us that although the EU have rejected using new technology in order to avoid a hard border in Northern Ireland and has explained on numerous occasions and in detail the reasons why, Sajid Javid after the training he has now received, believes that if he closes his eyes and threatens to hold his breath until he almost dies the EU is bound to cave in to his demands.
Boris Johnson has been tasked with holding high level meetings with EU representatives and has been instructed to stand in the middle of the meeting room asking, “Can I leave the customs union? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I leave the customs union? Can I? Can I? 5 Year old Ben has been coaching Boris and Ben says that this strategy always works for him when he wants to have his cake and eat it.
An EU negotiator told a reporter that the UK’s new approach was not a surprise as it was completely in line with the attitude shown in the past by Theresa May who even before bringing the infant team in had twice threatened to piss herself in front of the entire EU assembly and had twice been led from the chamber shouting, “ I hate you, I hate you, I’m sorry I was ever born”.