What does the British, Soviet and American Empires have in common – besides an excessive amount of other people’s oil – could it be a complete failure to defeat one Afghan goat-herder, armed with just a sling-shot and 12th century dental hygiene? Yet with the USA planning a strategic withdrawal, Afghanistan can boast of having overcome the world’s greatest armies – mainly by hurling pomegranates, shoes and the occasional Afghan expletive.
With over $1 trillion in undiscovered mineral deposits, it’s hard to imagine why imperial nations might be interested in this peaceful society. Nevertheless the US joins a dishonourable list of beaten nations, trying re-define running away as ‘marching backwards’.
Bombastically, one wrestling announcer introduced Afghanistan: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the undefeated champion of the Hindu Kush! Putting the mean into Mujahideen. It’s the Taliban with the Plan. The Terrorists with the Vests. It’s the Nomads with the Gonads!’
Pentagon officials have said that withdrawal from Afghanistan and Syria, will free-up troops for deployment in Venezuela: ‘Quite frankly, desert warfare isn’t our thing. As history shows us, we do much better with jungle campaigns against communists. What can go wrong?’