Cameron secured box of chocolates from EU

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David Cameron E.U. talks secured even more benefits for Britain than previous realised, after the Prime Minister revealed the extra concession he gained after hours of tough negotiations.

‘I have in my hand a box of chocolates,’ proclaimed a triumphant PM. ‘It is a full and total settlement of all my demands for EU reform. I asked for a total return to British judicial and fiscal autonomy as well as the right to slay one in five asylum seekers for four years before paying any benefits. But this 250 gram box of Terry’s All Gold, given to me at Brussels airport gift shop by Mr Jonkers goes well beyond those demands, even taking into account the nutty ones.’

Europhile Duty Free Minister Ken Clarke hailed the chocolates as symbols of total triumph. ‘I have in my hand a piece of silver paper, formerly the wrapper of a strawberry delight graciously handed to me by the Prime Minister which I have now officially eaten. ‘These chocolates outweigh the benefit of any treaty change or judicial realignment. ‘

Even Theresa May said she could be ‘persuaded’ by the chocolates, asking photographers to bear with her while she wiped away traces of Mr Cameron’s Vanilla Creme from her mouth. ‘I have in my hand a piece of tissue paper,’ Mrs May told a press conference. ‘As soon as I have finished with it I will phone my husband and tell him Dave’s going to back me for the next PM if I swallow all this we-got-what-we-want-from-the-EU nonsense.’

EU VIce President Kurt Schmidt also hailed the deal, telling reporters: ‘Terry’s All Gold were on BOGOF at Brussels airport, which many will see as appropriate.’

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Posted: Feb 6th, 2019 by

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