A broken child-sized milk bottle in one hand, a Hitler moustache and a tiny Michael Gove peeping out of her handbag, crying his eyes out. These are just some of the ideas that have emerged in a competition to suggest ‘pre-vandalisation’ of the controversial statue, to be erected in Grantham Lincolnshire in unironic honour of the Iron Lady
Sculptor Jenny Smythe said the only way to deter people from adding their own adjustments to the statue was for it to be ‘pre-vandalised’. ‘The council has discussed a barbed wire fence round the statue, or a permanent detail of police officer from the West Yorkshire force who acted as her political cadre during the miner’s strike.’ Said Ms Smythe, who has also sculpted Robert Mugabe, The Kray Twins, Harold Shipman and Simon Cowell.
‘The other option was a holographic statue beamed from a weeping cherub’s arse, part of the Victorian decorations of Grantham Town Hall. But it was decided this went against the spirit of the Iron Lady. In the end we decided to incorporate people’s feelings by artistically pre-vandalising the statue, using townsfolk’s ideas about how to demonstrate opposition to Mrs Thatcher.’
Ms Smythe said her favourite idea was to show Mrs Thatcher covered in human excrement, but it’s understood there was an objection from Conservative HQ, saying even after death, ‘the lady’s not for turding.