The Irish Republican Army has withdrawn all 400 balaclavas and a black tea-cosy with eye-holes from service after after a social media outcry that these resembled blackface.
An IRA spokesman has apologised unreservedly for any offence caused and promised that they will wear ethically-appropriate concealment in future bombing attacks.
“It’s not easy, mind” said an IRA spokesperson who said he’d kill us if we named him. “We looked into skin-coloured balaclavas, but defining ‘skin-coloured’ turned out to be a minefield – which was a bit out of our league”.
Meanwhile a spokesnutter for the Ulster Caught-Red-Handed Volunteers announced that, if balaclavas were racially insensitive “then we’ll be ordering loads more. In fact there was somebody offering a good deal on eBay for 400 or so just the other day”.
Squudge and Sir Lupus