Friends and family of the MP for Pontypridd & Pharmaceutical, were shocked to discover that Mr.Smith had not been ‘laid to rest’ – despite a death certificate, a leadership election and an exorcism to the contrary. Said a close friend: ‘It’s insensitive of the media to suggest Owen is leaving the Labour Party, as he left this mortal coil years ago’
Last week his dead remains were found in an abandoned ice-cream truck, emblazoned with the sign ‘£350m for a Mister Whippy’. Subsequently television viewers have been forced to watch the grizzled remains of Mr. Smith being manipulated like a decaying puppet, with Tony Blair’s hand rammed firmly ‘up his arse’.
News of his death were greeted with cries of – ‘I could have sworn he already was?’ ‘Who’s Owen Smith?’ and ‘My goodness, hasn’t Ben Elton has lost some weight’. Few remember that in 2016, Owen bravely challenged Jeremy Corbyn; only to be beaten by his own abject sense of self-loathing; after having been upstaged by a piece of tumble-weed.
Being dead, has not stopped Mr. Smith from being the bookies’ favourite to lead a new Centrist Party. Said his agent: ‘I’d advise voters to ignore his cold, dead eyes and hold your nose – that’s how I voted for him last time’.