Theresa May has confirmed that Chris Grayling won’t stand down because ‘I’ve got bigger things for him to do,’ a euphemism used whenever the Brexit Secretary role is up for rotation. The post, currently held by someone known as ‘thingummy’ is due to stand down as he isn’t an MP or even a real person. To be fair, it isn’t actually a real job either.
There are increasing calls for Grayling to stand down over the Seabourne debacle, however he denies he made any mistakes, just underestimated what a ship looked like. ‘Anyone could mistake a fast food takeaway for a roll on, roll off ferry,’ he stated today. He also points to his success with running the railway franchises. ‘Southern is something I’m especially proud of,’ he noted today.
Reaction to his appointment was generally positive. ‘He can hardly f&ck it up any more than it is now,’ noted one expert, while another pointed out that with Brexit likely to be delayed by up to a ‘couple of decades’ at least he had half a chance of keeping to a timetable for once.