Sadly when given the opportunity to accept a workable Brexit, Theresa May has failed to replicate basic human functions; such as empathy, comprehension and the ability to run through a field of wheat ‘without being weird about it’. Rather than exhibit intelligent behaviour indistinguishable from that of a human, the Prime Minister has proven herself to be on par with an early Betamax recorder or a sophisticated toaster.
The standard Turing test requires an EU negotiator to ask the subject if they understand the treaty they have agreed to and if they can tell their ‘arse from their elbow’. When repeatedly asked if she could explain what a ‘backstop’ was, the Maybot defaulted to the ‘blue screen of death’ or, as it is more commonly known, an election broadcast on behalf of the Tory party.
Explained a scientist: ‘Our initial testing involved a rat running through a maze – but we felt that was too obviously a Brexit metaphor. Instead, we asked the Maybot a series of simple questions – ‘Is Boris Johnson a credible Foreign Secretary?’ ‘Should Dominic Raab be allowed sharp objects?’ ‘Do ferry ports need ferries?’ To a normal human the answers are obvious, but her reply was just ‘strong and stable, followed by ‘boogie, boogie’.’
Manufactured by the electronics department of the 1922 Committee and left over scrap from Robot Wars, the Maybot is still running on a version of Windows Altavista. When confronted with her failure the Maybot said: ‘Show me what you humans call love’ – followed by a short pause and: ‘Error. Does not compute’.