Chris Grayling has announced today that a new contract to manage the UK’s Space Agency has been awarded to a wholesale fireworks distributor based in Watford called Night Sky.
And in what’s being seen as a rather ambitious move Night Sky’s Chief Executive Officer, and the man now holding a nice big wad of the Government’s folding-stuff, Buzz Ryan, has claimed at a press briefing that by 2022 the first British astronaut will walk on the surface of the moon.
Ryan told reporters: “Look, it don’t matter that we don’t have no rockets or any spaceships and that yet, but trust me, I have promised Mr Grayling that beyond any shadow of a doubt there will be a Union Jack flying on the moon within three years. Even as I speak I got my brother Lenny on eBay looking for a couple of used Sputniks and a recon flying saucer.’
Mr Grayling confirmed the news. ‘I have immense confidence in this appointment as I happen to know that Night Sky’s Board of Directors has the correct pedigree. All have watched the entire box set of Start Trek, the William Shatner one by the way, and indeed Mr Ryan was once in the Star Wars fan club.’
Meanwhile permanently grinning stargazer and former D:Ream Keysman, Professor Brian Cox, has met the news with scepticism telling The Technology Show: ‘First Brexit and now this! Please tell me things can only get better.’