The rebooted version of Crackerjack will offer Class-A drugs to winning contestants, the BBC announced today.
‘We want to bring a contemporary edge to Crackerjack,’ said producer Helen Smith of CBBC. ‘We absolutely refute the claim we’re just recycling old TV favourites because we have run out of ideas. The best contestants on the old show could hope for, prize wise, was an Airfix kit or a sexual assault by a D list celebrity who is now too old to prosecute. By offering today’s best and brightest ten rocks of high class crack cocaine, we’re demonstrating we know about kids’ lives and what’s important to them.’
But critics have been quick to criticize the ‘Get on Crackerjack, then get on crack’ quiz that involves offering children the highly addictive substance for correct spelling or knowledge of British monarchs or tree varieties. Voice of the Listener and Viewer secretary Harold Smithson said ‘This is the BBC going over the top with the licence fee. Ten rocks of crack could be worth as much as £1000, which is far too much for a kids’ show.
‘We’re suggesting quarter ounces of Skunk for kids who excel at general knowledge’, continued Smithson. ‘This could be grown in the Blue Peter garden, meaning zero cost to the budget and an interesting teatime feature for the horticulturally minded under 12s.’