Mary Berry named as new Queen Mum

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National treasure, Mary Berry, is said to be ‘delighted’ following an announcement by Buckingham Place that she is to be drafted into the Royal Family as a replacement for the late Queen Mum.

‘She’s nice and loved by one and all, and quite the dab hand at snipping ribbons and waving too,’ said a palace spokesman.

Berry’s appointment brings to an end much speculation, that perhaps after seventeen years vacant, the Royals were going to leave the post of nation’s favourite Nana unfilled.

But Court insider Crambourne de Villers says: ‘It was never an option, and now the key post has been recruited with Mary in the team, the simple man can once more be heartened as he starves in his inner-city tower block eking out a miserable existence in abject poverty.’

Husband and wife couple Jim and Edna Travis, noses pressed against the railings and dressed in bin bags and assorted rags, sobbed with pure joy as sprightly Mary handed each of them a tiny slither of Lemon Drizzle Cake before passing through the gates of Buckingham Place to be sworn in and enjoy a slap-up dinner of Swan Pie.

‘I tell you what, Mary’s a proper diamond,’ said a tearful Jim, as he choked on crumbs of cake, before adding, ‘Gawd bless ‘er!’

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2019 by

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