Pregnant MP Luciana Berger has made a statement to the press saying she ‘no longer wants to be a poster girl for The Labour Party’.
The MP fled the leafy University of London Students’ Union in 2010 for the war-torn streets of Liverpool Wavertree, now claiming she was ‘taken in’ by Labour propaganda promising a better life and the opportunity ‘take up the fight against the non-believers’. However, she now wants the UK’s forgiveness and advocates ‘left-of-centre values’.
Berger said: ‘I was young and impressionable. It started when I was reading about Labour on the internet. I became really curious about this Ed Milliband figure and how he once set the Brownites free and carved a new covenant on a stone tablet stipulating how we were going to create a better world. I went to a meeting and soon they were sending me more and more web sites to read and pictures of Milliband holding baskets of kittens. Occasionally, someone would mutter ‘Socialism’ under their breath. Before I knew it, I was MP for Wavertree.’
She added: ‘At first, people were all very nice. When things started to move to the left, I was already conditioned to see combat-trousered activists waving flags and calling for the decapitation of New Labour MP’s as ‘normal’.’
Berger has now been taken under the wing of other ‘stateless’ MP’s who will be reading her back-to-back Ed Milliband speeches in order to dull her senses into a state of complete impartiality and extract any remaining idealism from her psyche.