Prime Minister, Theresa May will return to Brussels to resume her staring competition with the European Union. She was originally trying to renegotiate the Irish backstop using words, but she gave up that game weeks ago.
A spokesperson said, “words weren’t helping and are actually making things worse. We then realised something that was ‘staring us in the face’ all along – the PM’s unflinching, almost inhuman stare. I’m fairly sure she could out-stare an owl. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure she has eye lids. I’ve never seen them.”
“Having removed all forms of communication from the process, we feel we have a real shot. Juncker is as shifty as they come and Tusk is known as a habitual blinker, or something like that,” the spokesperson explained.
She said, “we are concerned about some of the European 27, particularly Merkel and all the Eastern Europeans who have that permanent dead-behind-the-eyes look like they’ve just come from a brass-rubbing seminar.”
She concluded, “so we do have a fall-back plan. If we think the PM’s in trouble, we’ll deploy David Davis into the room to trip over his shoelaces or walk into some furniture. His mere presence evokes an automatic eye roll. I’m doing it now just thinking about him.”