As retro-tech rides high, with turntables and vinyl now must-haves on the wish lists of millennials and Hipsters everywhere, hot on the heels of Samsung’s new folding phone comes Apple’s latest offering, the iPhone CallBox. Scheduled to hit the shops this July, just in time for the Christmas rush, this comes complete with an opening full-size door. Apple is promising its customers a totally immersive retro-telephonic experience with some indisputably unique features.
Chuck Mendoza, Head of new Product Development for the tech giant, said: ‘iPhone CallBox is truly the future of smartphone technology and we are delighted to be launching this new and innovative range comprising two different models. At the time of ordering customers will be able to specify either model, each providing a unique olfactory interface: the iCallBox-P smells of piss while the iCallBox-SV is a perfect distillation of day-old stale vomit. Also customers can specify their particular sexual kinks and proclivities, thus allowing us to tailor prostitute and sexual service cards on the walls that will give them an extensive menu of options to be accessed.’
Weighing in at a hefty 1/2 tonne and measuring a handbag-busting 7ft x 3ft x 3ft some reviewers have questioned the actual portability of the phone, but Mendoza has waved such objections aside. ‘Each device ships with it’s own hydraulic sack truck so portability won’t be a problem,’ he said.
However the iCallbox has been met with a degree of scepticism. Tech Reporter Nev Schulz commented: ‘I think Apple has made a mistake here and may have to rethink. I mean who’s gonna want to make a call with a queue of folks banging on the door asking them how much longer they’re gonna be?’