Blistering congressional testimony by Michael Cohen has revealed absolutely 0% new information about the character of Donald Trump. In fact, news that Trump is a ‘conman’ and a ‘cheat’ will come as a relief to those who thought he was so much worse.
Trying to spark some interest, Trump’s former lawyer suggested that the President regularly ‘lied’, to which prosecutors replied: ‘You mean he sometimes tells the truth?!?’. Cohen even produced a cheque signed by Trump used to pay off Stormy Daniels, made out to ‘random lady/insert name here’.
‘We already knew Trump avoids tax, fidelity and vegetables, so it came as no surprise that he had colluded with Russia. The surprise was that Russia would bother colluding with him,’ said everyone.