Parents have been warned that impressionable children may be watching a Conservative minister ‘with bulging eyes and huge beak-like mouth’. Alarmist details of the lack of Brexit planning, can lead to suicidal thoughts or panic buying of baked beans. Said one child: ‘There was scary face, telling me to self-harm by supporting Theresa May’s Brexit deal. It then went on to offer me a ferry contract. I don’t have any ferries. I’m only 7. But he said that was fine’.
Grayling presents himself as ‘Momo’, challenging teenagers to solve his Irish border question or explain how to tie his shoelaces. If they refuse, ‘Momo’ will threaten them with a Hard Brexit or worse still, ten minutes with Michael Gove. Warned one police spokeswoman: ‘Some have suggested that ‘Momo’ is a hoax. But I can confirm that the bald Grayling, with his chlorinated chicken-like body, is very real. The scary part is that he still has a job.’