Following a two-year investigation the Electoral Commission has concluded that the single biggest influence on the 2016 Referendum was a bloke down the pub.
Having interviewed millions of Leave voters who all agreed that the lies peddled by Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Nigel Farage did have some influence on their decision, it was the valuable information given to them by a bloke down the pub that really helped make their minds up.
Darren, a soon to be out of work car worker from Swindon, told the commission that this bloke down their pub seemed to have access to information no one else had, or as the bloke put it, information the Remainers wanted to hide from us.
It was only through him that we found out that the EU had done a secret deal for the entire population of Turkey to be relocated to Milton Keynes and that anyone who wasn’t Muslim would be banned from all public libraries within 2 years.
‘Obviously, I don’t read books,’ said Darren, ‘but it’s the principal, an Englishman has to stand up for what’s right, we didn’t beat the French in two world wars for some Dago in Munich to tell us what to do.’
Arthur, a 70 year old pensioner agreed that it was definitely a bloke down the pub who was known to be a personal friend of Nigel Farage, and who therefore had access to loads of secret information the BBC were trying to keep from the public that swayed it for him too.
The bloke told Arthur that at a rally in the local football stadium he’d attended, Nigel had revealed to the crowd in confidence that the British army was going to be disbanded and replaced with Taliban and ISIS supporters. The bloke had heard it directly from Nigel himself… so it was obviously true.
The Electoral commission concluded that should a second referendum be held, it was highly likely that the result would be massively influenced by a loud-mouthed racist spewing out lies as long as someone was supplying him with free beer