A skeletal young boy called Tembe, from a devasted village in the middle of a drought-stricken region of Eritrea, has complained that white Europeans turning up and saving his life sent completely the wrong message.
Though too weak from hunger to wipe the flies off his face, Tembe delivered a stream of blistering invective aimed in particular at Comic Relief, an organisation he’d never heard of.
‘Oh yes, here we go,’ he said bitterly. ‘I saw this coming the moment the rains failed. ‘Here comes Captain Whitebread to save the day.’ It’s just so insulting.’
‘I’m so glad well fed MPs in North London, who consider themselves African though we’ve never actually seen any here, are doing what they can to put a stop to all this condescending food and medicine.’
However, Tembe changed his tune when he learned Richard Curtis was with the group, saying he was available if Curtis wanted some “local colour” in the background for his next Hugh Grant vehicle.
‘I mean, a Notting Hill where everyone’s white? Even I know that’s ridiculous, and I’ve never heard of Britain.’