Chris Grayling to abstain from cock ups for Lent

Lent

Transport secretary Chris Grayling has vowed not to award any spurious contracts, or give away any no-deal compensation payments for the whole of Lent.

‘Our good lord went and lived alone in the desert abstaining from eating for 40 days before being crucified in front of a large crowd’, said Grayling today. ‘Its the least I can do to follow in his footsteps by not giving any more money away. Although in a post-modern take on Lent, I’ve been crucified already.’

‘So that’s it from me in terms of contract awards. Nada. Nothing… until after Good Friday. Actually, a good any-day would be nice. I’d even settle for a good half hour at the minute to be honest.’

The embattled minister then left to celebrate his own pancake day at home, confirming his last action before the Lenten observance was to award the contract for pancake making to his wife. Pointing out that he’d only done so following a rigorous competitive bidding process, although sources suggested she didn’t have any milk, flour or eggs.

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Posted: Mar 6th, 2019 by

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