DUP expecting ‘May’s deal’ to include the ‘mother of all magic trees’

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The DUP’s Nigel Dodds has been completely engrossed reading three new documents from cover-to-cover. Specifically these are understood to have been the BMW, Mercedes Benz and Lexus car brochures, with sources close to the bumptious Ulsterman believing he has settled on the Lexus range and that he hopes to be driving around in one soon.

In addition party leader, Arlene Foster, has been reading up on rare horticulture, in particular how to reap a harvest from Westminster’s mythical magic money tree, which last bloomed in 2016 just a few short weeks after the last General Election.

Readers may remember at that time it unexpectedly yielded one billion pounds seemingly out of thin air. It’s understood Mrs Foster has received an anonymous tip-off that it may be getting ready to bloom again.

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2019 by

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