Remainers have agreed that having Chris Grayling in charge of Brexit is the one way to ensure that it never actually happens.
‘Much better than than just trying to get it delayed, which means it might still, eventually, happen,’ said one Remainian. ‘And better than a second referendum – sorry, sorry, I meant a People’s second referendum – oh bollocks, I meant a People’s referendum, er, that is, a People’s vote – different thing altogether – because even that might end up going the wrong way, whatever we try to call it.’
‘But if bloody Grayling is put in charge of it, he’ll probably contract the job out to some brand-new consultancy company owned by a syndicate of North Korean, Nigerian and Daesh businessmen who don’t own a telephone or a fountain pen between them or even know where Europe actually is the Boeing aircraft designers. He could do worse, though; maybe FIFA would like to get involved? We’d probably end up having the United Kingdom re-located in Qatar.’