A rugby player who always takes the spot kicks for his team has realised that his recent poor form may due to the bizarre run-up he employs.
‘I suppose I did it because I saw other players doing it,’ he admitted today. ‘I’d run at the ball from the side, then turn at the last second and try and kick it between the uprights. Not surprisingly I often missed, because I either turned too much or not enough.’
‘I tried adding all sorts of bizarre rituals, doing mysterious things with my hands, but nothing seemed to help. Then one day I thought, why not just run in a straight line in the direction I want the ball to go?’
Whilst this has enormously improved his success rate, his fellow rugby players frankly find it a bit suspect, wondering if he’s been watching too much football.
‘If he carries on like this, he’ll be demanding we pay him hundreds of thousands a week, dating some tart off Love Island and falling over in apparent agony when someone even looks at him the wrong way.’