79-year-old Reginald Pike, a well-liked old man who sits on the same park bench every day and carries a bag of bread for the ducks, is actually an MI6 agent with eighty-four confirmed kills.
The revelation came out after his neighbour, Edna happened upon Reg taking delivery of his new glock pistol with hand-print ID and extended silencer.
‘I went to see if Reg wanted any Oxtail soup from the co-op, when this swarthy looking man walked up, handed him a large manila envelope and then just walked off without speaking.’
‘I didn’t think anything of it – everyone jokes that Reg must live on that bench, the number of times someone brings him his post there. But then Reg took out this massive gun and cocked it, like one of the Men from Uncle. I had a bit of turn.’
‘When Reg saw me, he got a hell of shock and quickly put it back in the envelope and ushered me into the bushes – he said, ‘for both our sakes you need to forget what you saw.’ He had me all a quiver.’
‘Later, after the soup, he unbuttoned my house coat with his magnetic hearing aid. It was quite unexpected, I can tell you.’