PM seeks Nickelback’s advice on making same old shite appear different

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Prime Minister Theresa May has taken advice from Canadian Rock outfit Nickelback on how to make something that is essentially the same as it’s predecessor appear to be different. May is hoping that she can learn some lessons from the band’s 20 year strategy of releasing exactly the same song, cunningly disguised with a different title and the odd word change.

‘These guys are the masters of putting out the same old shite’, said May. ‘Seven albums. Exactly the same thing, every couple of years. Strong and stable lyrics with a bit of grit. Smooth and orderly guitar licks. The same bloody chord sequence, every time.’

May is preparing some new artwork and sleeve notes for her twice-defeated Brexit deal to try and convince Speaker John Bercow to let her have her Meaningful Vote 3. She is also thought to be planning to introduce the deal to the Commons by singing from Nickelback’s How You Remind Me wailing: ‘I’ve been down, Into the bottom of every bottle, These five words in my head, Are we having fun yet?’, before asking The Speaker to shout ‘Division: Clear the Lobby’.

Coldplay’s Chris Martin has also been brought in to advise the PM on how to make the same thing sound different, and is thought to be recommending that she inserts a clunking key change in the middle of her deal and then start singing some very high notes.

ACDC, Dan Brown, and everyone involved in the Fast and The Furious film franchise have all offered their help if needed.

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Posted: Mar 20th, 2019 by

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