Man unwittingly ushers in spring by eating the last of the Christmas Twiglets


Unlikely wizard Dave Brown has this week prompted the regeneration of plant life, the birth of lambs, and the mild improvement of the weather in the northern hemisphere.

He conducted a ritual on Tuesday night when he was a bit peckish before bed. He opened the fridge door twice (once to check if there was anything quick and tasty to eat in there and the second time to check that the fridge hadn’t magically changed its contents in the two seconds since he’d initially looked) and then he browsed the cupboards.

He decided to see off the Twiglets which had languished at the back of the top right hand side cupboard since January 2nd. His brother-in-law Kev had told him on New Year’s Day that Twiglets are zero-rated for VAT and since then Dave had associated them with boring conversations had over the Christmas period.

Once Dave had eaten the Twiglets (which were purchased in their winter livery of a round tub rather than a flimsy packet) this counted as a sufficient sacrifice to the gods of winter for warmth to return.

Share this story...

Posted: Mar 25th, 2019 by

Click for more article by ..

© 2019 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer