Mueller concludes no Russian collusion, voters are ‘just dumb’

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After two years of painstaking of investigation, Special Counsel has confirmed that no amount of electoral corruption can match the sheer scale of ‘stupid’ in the electorate. Robert Mueller’s report says despite Vladimir Putin offering every US voter their very own Russian bride and a life’s supply of vodka; those voters were always going to vote for ‘crazy’.

One investigator explained: ‘We approached a focus group of average Americans and asked them to respond to a series of cards containing key Trump policy proposals. They then asked for some ketchup and then just ate the cards.’

Likewise, theories of Russian collusion with the Leave campaign, completely ignores the voting pattern behind ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ or Boaty McBoatface. Any voter capable of supporting Jules O’Dwyer & Matisse the Dog or thinking Joe Pasquale should be ‘King of the Jungle’, is more than capable of instigating a Brexit sh$tstorm.

A Russian Ambassador said: ‘To ruin American elections all you need are American voters. In Russia we have a saying. If you have an infinite number of monkeys in a room with a typewriter; eventually one of those monkeys will try to f$ck the typewriter’.

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Posted: Mar 26th, 2019 by

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