By bypassing Congress, President Trump can now fund his wall with military spending, aided by blueprints left over from the Transformers’ movie. Civilian walls are restricted to bricks and mortar, but military walls are allowed to have anti-aircraft missiles, ninja stars and robots with ‘death rays’.
Explained one four-star General: ‘The wall will have stealth capability. Despite weighing thousands of tonnes, it will be able to sneak up on any unsuspecting Mexican. Its adaptive camouflage means that rather than appearing as a 57 mile wall, it will blend into the landscape, appearing to be a harmless 57 mile long draft-excluder’.
With mounted laser turrets and flying monkeys, the wall will represent the very latest in military hardware; including killer bees, snappy dogs and one angry swan. The wall will have the capability of repelling thousands of immigrants, just by offering them Canadian citizenship.
Using $1bn, army engineers plan to create a wall of pain – and not the kind runners talk about – but one covered with hypersonic, electromagnetic, doodads of death. Said one: ‘It’ll be totally awesome. It’ll be long, hard and result in instant death – a bit like Brexit negotiations’.