Staff at Theresa May’s country home today confirmed that civil war has erupted in the house over Mrs May’s plans for Christmas.
According to the under house parlour maid, discussions between Mrs May and her husband have been ongoing since January, but despite a number of indicative votes nothing had been agreed.
Husband Philip’s original suggestion that they spend Christmas at his sisters was rejected outright, with the Prime Minister citing the “last sausage roll” incident in 2013,when things had got out of hand and according to Mrs May, Philip had sided with his sibling and Theresa’s expensive leather trousers had been ripped in the ensuing struggle.
According to gossip in the servants quarters, matters came to a head on Saturday night, when after a few sherries, Theresa insisted that they spend Christmas at her friend, Jacob’s country house in Somerset, insisting ,” He’s my mate, he’s always got my back, not like you”.
Philip was heard shouting,” Brexit, how’s that going for you bitch?”.
The servants who are all on zero hour contracts are hoping that matters are resolved that the May’s will stay home for Christmas as they all need to get the hours in to pay their rent.