The Government Institute of Human Behaviour has launched an inquiry into the weirdly elaborate toweling habits of men in Leisure centre changing rooms.
Professor Debra Marshall said, “we’re looking into why the post-sport toweling ritual appears to have nothing to with anyone actually getting dry.”
“Firstly, we want to look at the more unusual physical drying methods. For example, just wandering about with a towel around the neck or holding two ends and repeatedly running the towel between the legs.”
“Secondly, we will be looking at post-towel rituals. For some reason, once dry through the simple passage of time, men will still not put clothes on.”
“They just put their wrist watches on before ‘holding court’ and spewing out an anecdote involving an implausible sexual encounter with twins or when they ‘ran off’ some form of sports injury like an absolute legend – all while standing with a foot perched on a bench.”
“We’re conducting a completely separate inquiry into speedos.”