How to cope with not leaving the EU on 29th March

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Are you suffering from lack of withdrawal? Did you think 29th March marked the day our European overlords would get back in their overly bureaucratic box? Try the following coping strategies:

Queue up with all the non-EU Nationals at any European airport

Openly shun any form of European-ness. Make sure you queue up at the airport with all the other foreigners so you can also spend endless hours being interrogated by border force officials about your travel plans. Remember to make your story vague and act shifty at all times.

Eat f**k loads of chips

Come on, you need this. You’ve been shat on from a great height by the liberal and political elite. Binge eat chips and wash it down with a vat of tizer you absolute legend.

Stop taking your diabetes medication

You were expecting shortages of fresh fruit (which did not apply to you), and vital medicines – one of the prices worth paying to not have Juncker telling you how to dress. So, why not just stop taking your diabetes meds anyway. That’ll show them. Just don’t let it get critical- remember the NHS still has European doctors and nurses strutting around with a sense of entitlement.

Change your name to Nigel Farage

It’s the Brexit equivalent of standing up and saying “No, I’m Spartacus.” Just think of the pride when they call your name at your next un-necessary GP appointment.

Have a mini break in Sunderland

Treat yourself to a trip to Brexit’s northern stronghold and immerse yourself in the seething anger of the like-minded pursed lipped brigade. Just the tonic.

Tweet like a mad b**tard

You might have been doing this already. But if not, head to twitter, ensure your profile picture is a bulldog wearing a bowler hat and then carpet bomb all the remoaner MPs and high-profile supporters with some serious well-earned traitor-based epithets.

Watch ‘The Great Escape’

Round it all off by watching some hardy captive Brits (and Steve McQueen and the bloke from the Rockford Files) sticking it to their European captors. Maybe turn it off before the scene where they all get shot

Buy a 20ft flagpole and Union Jack then hold a flag raising / lowering ceremony every day at dawn and dusk.

Perhaps consider getting your wife (Dorothy) to learn how to *play the bugle.
*not a euphemism as we’re British.

Resolve to buy British

Or, better still, resolve to buy only English. Who needs all that foreign muck, such as oranges, pasta, chocolate, pizza, French “cuisine” ? We’ve got potatoes, carrots, apples, blackberries, fields of wheat, and .. er .. more potatoes

Take up cycling

With no truly British car manufacturers, and all those foreign ones leaving, it’s far healthier to cycle to work – imagine all the fresh air between Birmingham and Oxford, twice a day. And who needs sleep anyway ? An extra bonus is no more traffic jams, because no-one has a car !

 

Hat tip to Chipchase and Sinnick

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2019 by

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