Jeff Smythe-Curio, creator of the hit police thriller The Beauty of Duty has denied introducing artificial ingredients to the plot to make it seem thicker than the people who watch it but don’t have a clue what’s going on a lot of the time.
Viewers of Episode 1 of the new series will know how a Police Civilian Worker (PCW) was secretly acting as a double agent to an Organised Crime Gang (OCG) while being secretly monitored by a shadowy security group whose female boss is having a secret affair with the one with the bad back who should never have grown that beard. But in an edge-of-the-seat moment an
Undercover Firearms Officer (UFO) goes off the rails and thinks she has seen an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO, but different) after her drink was spiked in a sleazy nightclub – possibly by the bloke from Northern Ireland whose messy divorce means he’s even more stressed (EMS) and therefore possibly a security risk and can we stop doing the bloody three letter acronyms please?
Anyway, in a twist that feels like art mimicking life, it’s understood from a backflash scene in which suspicions of tampering are voiced, that the creator of the show, Jeff Smythe-Curio, has previously secretly thickened the plot with cornflour. This is contrary to Ofcom rules on Artificial Plot Thickeners (APT) FFS we’re sick of the acronyms already!
It’s understood Smythe-Curio entered the production company late at night during the scripting stage, in possession of a white powder that could have been cornflour, arrowroot or even instant custard. At the crucial moment when he may or may not have secretly added the alleged plot thickener to the script using a special spoon, the CCTV footage (which I want on my desk this afternoon or there will be hell to pay!) goes dead, and the next thing you know you get a shot of a security man on the minimum wage making a Horlicks and reading a porn mag.
Next day, Jeff Smythe-Curio’s house is the subject of a dawn raid with a lot of shouting and people made to get out of bed showing their buttocks, albeit briefly. Then cut to a close up of a Scene of Crime SOC (I warned you!) officer in the garage finding something that looks like a white powder under some Haynes manuals which could easily be cornflour. But a later examination by Forensic Science Officers (leave it!) show that the powder is merely cocaine, putting Jeff Smythe-Curio in the clear on the plot thickening allegations until the next episode, when suspicions point to the Belfast bloke but it couldn’t be him he’s a good guy, isn’t he, and why is he getting a divorce anyway?