French Zoologist Pierre Camembert, who claims to have rediscovered the lost land of Britain, has finally presented a preliminary record of his adventures to the Institut National De L’information Geographique in Paris. Fascinated by stories of how the once great empire became cut off from the rest of the world in 2020, Pierre has spent the last 10 years researching the reasons for its disappearance.
Knowing that visiting the insular island would be a daunting task, with the natives hatred of foreigners and outsiders well documented, the intrepid explorer was wary as he landed at the former port of Dover. Travelling inland, his party had their first sighting of human life, a band of Brexiteers, the dominant tribe on the island, followers of the country’s main religion. The Brexiteers,in their traditional garb of anoraks and jogging bottoms, appear to lead a nomadic existence says Pierre, travelling between Work Houses, Food banks and cinemas that show recordings of England’s 2001 5-1 victory over Germany on a 24 hour loop.
Driving past empty and neglected factories, relics of when Britain was once great, the explorers eventually reached London, the former capital. Delving through the overflowing bins, they found evidence in the form old newspapers that documented the power struggle that had gone on, which was eventually won by the followers of the overlord Mogg,who went on to set up a powerbase in the new capital Sunderland.
Although Mogg appears to have been the driving force behind the revolution, Mogg himself, actually resides in Belfast in the Irish Republic, where he is said to be active in the local money making scene and rules Britain’s serfs remotely through a network of landed gentry.
With no sign of schools or hospitals evident, the explorers pressed on through Islington and its empty Coffee houses and bistros, where the once well spoken inhabitants, now speak an extraordinary dialect, which appears to be a mixture of Brummie, Welsh and East Anglian. ‘We are assuming that they are trying to fit in and not bring themselves to the attention of the yellow Vests’, says Pierre.
Monsieur Camembert is hoping to present the next instalment of his adventures shortly,including his account of visiting Mayfair, home to the now notorious ERG elite.