Scientists from the National Physical Laboratory claimed today that Brexit follows the laws of thermodynamics. In a packed conference hall they outlined the way Brexit is acting parallel to the long established thermodynamic laws.
‘The first law of thermodynamics is that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Well, that pretty much sums up EU membership,’ said lead scientist Robin Crockwater today. ‘You can change your terms of membership, you can technically vote to leave, but ultimately you cannot change the fact that you are always going to be a member of the EU.
‘The second law states that that entropy, a measure of disorder, always increases. You’ve only got to look at Parliament this week to see that’s true of Brexit,’ he said. ‘Even the bloody roof started leaking.
‘Finally, the third law says that entropy, disorder, approaches a constant value as the temperature approaches absolute zero, or Theresa May’s core temperature as it is also known,’ said Professor Crockwater to rapturous applause until a journalist from New Scientist raised his hand.
‘What about the zeroeth law?’ he asked as the body of scientists shuffled awkwardly, recalling the late Twentieth Century addition to the laws of thermodynamics that said if two thermodynamic systems were independently in equilibrium with a third, then they must also be in equilibrium with each other. ‘That means if two groups independently agree with a third group, they must all agree with each other,’ added the reporter while everyone in the room tried to think of any three people, let alone groups, who agreed on Brexit.
‘OK, well Brexit follows Newton’s laws,’ countered the professor, ‘apart from the bit about what goes up must come down, if you think about EU contributions,’ he said, before resigning his chair, joining the Scientology religious group and determining to prove homeopathy was valid.