A Man who understandably can’t be arsed to drag himself into work to do a job he both hates and will be doing for the next 30 years, is in two minds about the fake illness to use as an excuse.
32-year-old administration officer Mike Young said, “I’m leaning towards stomach bug because I’m not good at fake coughing and sounding nasal. You also have to maintain some level of coughy-snottiness for authenticity when you return, which is probably beyond me.”
“Stomach bugs often last a couple of days. If anyone at work asks how you are you can just sigh and shake your head like just survived a Tsunami and say you’re ‘getting there,’ or some inane bollocks.”
“Problem is, I’m a nervous liar and I end up oversharing – I’m bound to say on the phone that I’ve been up all night shatting through the eye of a needle.”
“That will totally get back to everyone at work – my boss is a major d*ck. I wouldn’t be that bothered but I’m in serious lust with a co-worker. I’m not sure she’ll ever want to see me naked if she’s got a mental image of me screaming on the toilet as my insides fall out my arse.”
“It’s why I also can’t say it’s any type of rash. Bog standard vomiting, I reckon. That’ll buy me a day.”
“So, that didn’t go as planned. My boss said ‘don’t tell me you’ve been sick or you’ve got a cold’. I had to improvise.”
“What are cataracts, anyway?”