The ghost of a London man who was killed along with his entire family when a doodlebug scored a direct hit on his house during a German bombing raid in October 1942 has briefly returned to the material world to inform Leave supporters that the notion that ‘We survived the Blitz, so we can survive this too’ is a load of old bollocks.
‘Cor lumme, guv, these Brexit chaps don’t arf talk a lot of old pony,’ said Barry Watkinson, a very stereotypical Cockney from Stepney. ‘I didn’t survive the Blitz and neither did my wife, my five kids and 32,000 others. It’s not exactly the same as being short of a few medicines – which we didn’t have then either, me old China. And the only reason I never complained about that was because I couldn’t afford ’em anyway.’
As he watched the referendum campaign over a plate of ectoplasmic jellied eels, Watkinson was initially in favour of leaving the EU. ‘I don’t care much for Jerry either, which I reckon is understandable, eh? I mean, my wife Peg was blown apart so bad they wouldn’t even have been able to identify her from dental records if I hadn’t punched out all ‘er ‘ampstead ‘eath already. But enough’s enough, eh?’
There is now a general consensus among British World War II victims in heaven that analogies between what they went through and Brexit should be abandoned altogether, on the basis that the current generation are a bunch of whiny little toerags who get all upset if their takeaway pizza is delivered ten minutes late and who would therefore be spectacularly ill-equipped to spend six years surviving off powdered egg and wondering if they would still be alive in ten minutes time.
‘And another fing before I go,’ said Watkinson. ‘You’re always bangin’ on about the Blitz spirit, well let me tell you this. If arf the people I was stuck in a bomb shelter wiv ‘ad voted to get bombed, do you fink we’d be ‘avin a good old larf wiv ’em, or telling them what a banch of fick cants they were? Go on, guess. Now fack off.’