Several thousand channel-flickers have reported their shock at learning that Rugby League is still being played in remote regions of Britain. The sport, a primitive version of many now highly popular ball games across the world, was widely assumed to have died out at about the same time as jousting, cheese rolling and bear baiting.
‘I was just gobsmacked and rather queasy when I saw it on the BBC,’ said Sunday morning couch idler Kevin McAllum from Bristol. ‘I mean, I’m all for minority sports getting their moment, but who would have thought that this would clogging up the airwaves, all at a time when you can’t even flick to the ten-minute preview on Television X to cleanse your mind of the horror of what you’ve just seen.’
BBC 2 sports editor John Barwell, however, firmly defended the corporation’s decision to show Rugby League. ‘Some might find it strange that people would enjoy seeing a group of fat blokes with thighs like trees fall over onto each other, pass a ball through their legs like some sort of giant turd, then hoof it back and forth to each other repeatedly,’ he said.
‘All right, anyone would find it strange, but that doesn’t necessarily give you the right to sneer at people in unsophisticated parts of the world like Lancashire, where they are so poor they can’t always get 15-men teams together, for not being able to understand proper sports. We can’t all be cool metropolitan sophisticates who understand the LBW law.’
‘Besides which, when you boil the 80 minutes down to a 45 second highlights package, it can be quite watchable. If you’re still pissed from the night before. And, as the name suggests, you can see that it is sort of distantly related to proper rugby if you watch it with an open mind. If you’re still pissed from the night before.’
It has also emerged that not only is Rugby League still played in some ten remote towns in the unexplored and lawless north, but Britain is the second best of the two countries that play it. However, rumours that some Australians come over to play the game in Huddersfield and Widnes, have been officially denied as ‘too fucking ridiculous for words. I mean come ON, really…’