Using comparison website CompareTheMerkel.com, the British Prime Minister has secured a sixth month extension, 33% off pet-insurance and a trial week of Sky Cinema. By shopping around Europe, Mrs May has a Brexit extension at competitive rates; with complete breakdown cover and ‘a free jiffy bag’.
This does mean that the UK must retain the same simcard and, yes, data-roaming will only apply to Europe in the event of Remain. However, the additional time will allow Mrs May the opportunity to get her deal accepted by Parliament as many times as she wants or until Hell freezes over – whichever comes first.
A Downing Street spokeswoman explained: ‘We could swap energy supplier and save the UK £358/yr – but we are happy to stick with the same two triple-A batteries. Yes, we are tied into the same EU provider – but with additional benefits, such as an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet card and this adorable pen pouch with a picture of a kitten’.
Leave campaigners are naturally suspicious of an ever extending extension, as never-ending as Pi, Prog-Rock albums or an unwanted erection. Downing Street confirmed: ‘We have decided unequivocally to be indecisive. It’s about taking back control…just not any time soon’