Netanyahu annexes Moon

Screenshot 2019-04-12 at 14.50.24

Having secured an historic fifth term in office, President Netanyahu reiterated his commitment to a Greater Israel by expanding into nearby territory, 230,000 miles away. Despite crashing into the lunar surface, the Beresheet space mission has been heralded as the first step in establishing a space settlement and a good place to hide
‘Bibi’s cigars and pink champagne’.

Contrary to Mr. Netanyahu’s claim, that the Moon was not made from Tzafatit cheese, so resources are scarce. Amnesty International has warned about the enforced displacement of thousands of Clangers and one Arabic-speaking Soup Dragon.

One Israeli settler was less than impressed: ‘As ‘promised land’ goes, this is a tough sell. It’s an arid, wilderness, with all the atmosphere of a Saudi discotheque. Just once it would be nice if Moses found somewhere with some trees and, I don’t know, access to fresh water. Why does everything have to be a desert?’

The team behind the Beresheet craft are said to be upset that Mr. Netanyahu was making political capital out a peaceful, non-profit organisation: ‘We got suspicious when President Trump said Israel could have the Golan Heights. ‘Heights?’ said Mr. Netanyahu, looking to the Moon. ‘How high is high, precisely?”

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Posted: Apr 13th, 2019 by

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