Concerns are growing for former Police frontman and global superstar Sting, following reports that he was admitted to an exclusive rehab clinic in LA suffering from acute advanced pretentiousness (AAP). Fears began building for the Message in a Bottle megastar when he announced his next project was to be a ten-disc CD set of tone poems intended as an homage to James Joyce’s Ulysses, with one piece being a forty-minute orchestral suite in three movements.
Dr Marvin Schultz, the clinic’s admissions director, said: ‘AAP is a complex disorder and should be nipped in the bud. Look no further than Bono or Kanye for proof of what it can lead to if not treated early. We’re hopeful that once Sting’s treatment is complete, and even though he’s still adamant about going into the studio, thankfully it will be just to make a regular album … well, ‘thankfully’ is probably not the word, but trust me, it could be worse.’