Defence Minister Gavin Williamson’s mum says he’s scarcely able to control his excitement as cards have been sent out to his Tory chums, inviting them to attend ‘her little soldier’s’ upcoming birthday party in the Westminster branch of McDonald’s.
A freshly-scrubbed and rosy-cheeked Gavin said: ‘We shall all have cheeseburger happy meals with a Spiderman toy and we’re also having fizzy pop and will play lots of games too. Pin the penis on Putin is my favourite. But of course, it won’t be all fun fun fun. We will have a 30-minute session writing letters to Russia’s politicians telling them not to mess with Great Britain and Mummy will post them to the Disney Palace where they all live in Moscow.’
However, Gavin’s mum confirmed there will be no invitations for Boris Johnson (a big bruising bully and piggy-wiggy greedy-guts who’d eat all the food) Jacob Rees-Mogg (too scary) and Mark Francois (much too common).