Gutted voters denied chance to tell Farage where to shove it


The news that Nigel Farage will not be standing in the general election has been greeted with dismay by voters who were looking forward to the opportunity to tell him to ‘do one’ yet again.

‘I’m really disappointed,’ said Ramsgate resident Fenton Barnes.

‘I was hoping he might stand in our constituency again so I could see the smile wiped off his smug little face. It seems like only yesterday that I was in the voting booth resisting the urge to write the word ‘bellend’ against his name on the ballot paper, happy days’.

The ex-Ukip leader told the Telegraph that he had decided to continue as an MEP despite being confident of an ‘easy win’ in the former Ukip seat of Clacton, a claim to which many in Clacton have responded to by saying ‘chinny reckon’ and stroking their chins in a derisory manner.

Meanwhile current Ukip leader Paul Nuttall is surprised that Farage will not be seeking election.

‘I got a text from Nigel saying ‘I’m not standing’,’ said Nuttall. ‘I just assumed he’d been in the pub all day and was struggling to get out of his chair again’.

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Posted: Apr 19th, 2019 by

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