Mumsnet to decide general election


In a campaigning season that has been widely hailed as the ‘Mumsnet Election’, it was announced today that the result of May’s general election will now be entirely determined by the contributors to the popular parental chat room. ‘These people never shy away from the difficult issues, be it Europe, the economy, or how you get a recalcitrant toddler to poo on the potty,’ said HRH Queen Elizabeth II, who agrees with the vehemence of feeling on the website against Petit Filous. ‘So who better to decide who runs the country? It’s not like we can leave it to just anyone. And they were so helpful when one asked ‘How do I tell my middle-aged son he’s never getting my job?’

Campaigning on the site began in earnest by the major political parties today, with Gordon Brown quick to utilise one of the forum’s most popular threads to ask ‘Am I Being Unreasonable…wanting to put 1% on National Insurance next April?’ Responses ranged from Tabithasmummy’s considered ‘Is it really worth isolating large sections of the electorate, not to mention many business leaders’ to FertileMyrtle’s more direct ‘yes, you morally bankrupt socialist bastard’, although media commentators felt he was spared a much greater mauling by the inspired last minute addition of a smiley face emoticon.

‘The influence of Mumsnetters has already decided the fate of some constituencies, with the yummy mummies of South West Surrey feeling that they could forgive Tory MP Jeremy Hunt claiming a 1p phone bill on expenses, but not the rumour that his children had been subjected to lunchbox ham,’ reported The Times, who have yet to declare their position on what constitutes reasonable force to ensure a child’s turn on the see-saw. ‘Having forced Hunt to withdraw, the seat will now be contested between Mumsnet-approved candidates, Sarah Beeny, Supernanny and Mr Tumble.’

A live Mumsnet debate has been scheduled for next week between the leaders of the three main parties, when topics are expected to include education, NHS provision and whether or not it is fair to exclude children from wedding invites.

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2019 by

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