Returning from the dead this Easter Sunday, Jesus was troubled to find most shops he needed to stage a convincing comeback shut. Ignoring the obvious irony, he managed to cobble together an outfit out of onion bags and old newspapers. However, his appearance, and his increasing desperate insistence that he was the Son of God, only led the public to conclude he was just further evidence of the UK’s worsening homeless crisis.
Being moved on for the fourth time he was overheard to shout: ‘I had thought the society I was crucified in was brutal and uncaring, but now I’m thinking maybe it wasn’t so bad.’
‘Maybe leave it another couple of millennia’.