Former Conservative MP and reality TV aficionado, Ann Widdecombe has been begged by her circle of luvvie friends to get therapy after deciding to stand as a candidate for the Brexit Party.
‘Seeing Ann hitting the skids like this is just awful,’ said media personality Kerry Katona. ‘She was doing so well after all the trauma of being a Conservative. I’ve offered her my extensive psychological expertise but it’s like she’s now been caught up in some kind of weird cult. I mean it’s ‘Nigel this and Nigel that’ and she never drank from a pint glass before.’
Speaking in the Daily Express the former Conservative MP said: ‘I have not had a breakdown. Some politically correct people have argued that being a right wing nutter is in one’s genetic make up, but I would argue that it is a lifestyle choice very much like deciding to live as a complete Sodomite like many of the friends I have met in my recent career as a reality TV artiste; and that doesn’t stand for Transvestite in my case.’
Despite pleas from other z-lister-luvvies to change her mind and to continue living the life of a lotus and kangaroo bollocks eater, Ms Widdecombe will not be moved.
Speaking from his home in Essex, friend and fellow z-lister Rylan Clark-Neal said: ‘I’m absolutely gutted that Ann has taken this path. I’ve tried loads of times to make her change her mind but it’s been hopeless. This proves that Brexit is really breaking up families of all kinds. It’s very sad because she has always been like a real father to me.’
Ann continued: ‘My friends have made several abortive attempts to get me to change my mind but I am standing by my guns. Therapy is only for people with weak minds who are easily persuaded to do things they shouldn’t do when offered large sums of money in exchange for looking silly or for sexual favours, none of which I have ever been involved in. As for offering to put me up in a Priory well, this old Convent girl has had her fill of nuns.’
Nigel Farage is understood to be ‘over the moon’ about his latest recruit: ‘Ann symbolises the tolerance and diversity of the Brexit Party. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a burning cross to set aflame’.