By 2022 all party leaders will be related to Boris Johnson


Mathematicians have calculated that there is a 95% probability that the UK’s political landscape will become dominated by the cast of ‘The Midwich Cuckoos’. Two-thirds of all MPs will be a blood relative of Boris Johnson, with the remaining third just being Boris in a series of assorted clown outfits.

Synonymous for their unruly hair, unruly ethics and unruly birth control, the Johnsons are to politics what Johnson & Johnson are to ovarian cancer. Siblings, Rachel and Jo, are already tipped to lead the Change UK Party and the Conservative Party respectively; leaving Boris in charge of ‘Noel’s House Party’.

Lesser known cousins Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Earvin ‘Magic’ Johnson are all set to join Boris ‘$hit for brains’ Johnson. While Boris’ own unprotected Johnson’ will be given free-reign to propagate ‘willy nilly’ – or as he calls it, ‘Blind Willie Johnson’.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2019 by

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